An article on Shiny Shiny got me thinking about this. A quick quote:
I raised my hand and (desperately not to scream) explained that there is actually a huge issue with women and sexual harassment online, and on blogs. I mentioned Kathy Sierra, Devious Diva, and the fact that women are threatened with rape and violence, simply for speaking their minds online.While I've never been threatened online, I have seen my share of, well, offensive behavior. I've noticed that guys are more likely to be physically or verbally aggressive at a club where the music is loud and the lights are low. I've noticed that guys are more likely to make an inappropriate comment, gesture, etc, if you're walking by them than if you're standing next to them. I guess it feels more anonymous if you aren't going to stay physically near them. Is it that they think no one will notice, or that they actually think it's ok?
I've also noticed that a woman can't be in the news without someone making remarks about the woman's looks. It's as though many people lack the ability to assess one set of attributes (intelligence, etc) without assessing all attributes (looks, etc).
None of this is particularly shocking, I suppose. I guess what surprised me is how inappropriate the comments get.
About two years ago, the Seattle Times wrote an article about why people are choosing to work at Google over Microsoft. The first few paragraphs were about me, and I stumbled across some forum where they were discussing the article. I started from the beginning of the four pages of comments and at first, it was pretty much on topic. Around the end of page 2, someone found my website and some pictures of me. Pretty quickly the comments degenerated into a very sexual and very vulgar nature. When someone found a picture of me and a Black friend of mine, they became not only vulgar and sexual, but also racist. I would repost some of the comments, but frankly, I don't even feel comfortable re-printing it.
Just a few weeks later, I posted something about Google and Open Source. You expect the usual set of pro-Google or anti-Google comments there. You do not expect someone to make this comment (which, incidentally, didn't even begin to compare to some of the comments on the previous forum): "You certainly are a slut when it comes to corporate fanboyism. I hope you're this easy in getting into the sack."
More recently, digg.com posted a New York times article about students in CS which features a photograph of a few male and female students programming. As expected, a huge chunk of the digg comments were assessing the attractiveness of the women.
After a while, you just start to expect this kind of behavior. You take it as a given that guys will grab your waist in a club, that they'll grab your arm if you're walking away from them, that they'll argue with you if you won't give him your number, that if your name or picture ever appears in the news, that they call you "hot", "ugly", "fat", "easy", etc.
Such is life, and such is the behavior you expect from strangers. But here's what gets me: is it just that the guys I know are that much better, or do they not have enough anonymity to act like the rest?
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4 comments:
I think (and I certainly want to believe) that there is a small but highly offensive minority of guys who act really obnoxious in the situations you mentioned. One of the interesting things about obnoxiousness is that I think it tends to drive away the non-obnoxious people. That can then give the impression that the percentage of obnoxious people within a population is higher than it really is. I know that I personally tend to just stop reading when I run across a thread full of offensive comments. And I never really felt comfortable going to most clubs, partially because of the offensive behavior I encountered when I did.
Maybe we all should stand up to the idiots and try to get them to stop. But I learned years ago that, at least online, doing something like that usually serves only to stress me out. People who are ignorant enough to post or say that type of garbage aren't likely to be dissuaded by me...
Some people think the feeling of anonymity grants them a reprieve from the "think before you act/speak" rule. Unfortunately, unlike bullies, standing up to them doesn't seem to work - they just want the last word. I vaguely remember that guy that was posting harassing stuff on here that Gayle mentions, and each comment just seemed to get worse, like he was trying to top the one before. I guess thats why lots of bloggers have disabled anon comments - without a public forum some of the fools looking for an audience will just move on (at least we can hope that is the case).
I would like to think that the guys you know (and the ones you don't who are semi-regular readers) ARE that much better. I am sure most of your readers (male and female) have the technical know-how to hide their tracks, yet few choose to do so. It certainly makes this a much more enjoyable place to frequent.
Sean has it right. The minority ruins it for the rest of us.
I am sorry that you had to go through what you did. But ascribe it to the fragile male ego. Very fragile. We are so scared of being rejected, that we act all macho, as if we are better than the fairer sex.
So, I guess I have given away my allegiance...
Paul, followed link from Steve Lacey
I loved your article. I just experienced my first online sexual harassment at my AC page. Though it wasn't too nasty, I just feel like an intelligent, articulate woman who is showcasing her writing skills and vocabulary prowess,such as myself, should not be commented on by her looks, even if favorable, or asked if she has any "hot friends". Old pigs won't change, but maybe the young guys will take note. Then again, some are not intelligent enough to even figure it out, hence the disrespectful comments in the first place!
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